Yesterday I realized I should really and immediately go back to my roots. Be a hundred percent me.

How do I explain this? Okay. When we are in certain situations or places where we have to “polish” our behavior or personality, it’s not because of something bad, but rather because we are adaptable. I think you get it.

But when I keep smoothing my rough edges like that, I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like I’m becoming a stranger to myself. I keep that “stranger version” of me for too long, and it’s affecting me. I didn’t even realize how much, but it is.

I don’t feel like me.

Normally, I would say something that might sound controversial to some people just because I genuinely think it. But now I just say “okay” and move on. That turned me into a very adaptable person, but in a bad way, I might say.

I forgot how to show my shine.

I don’t mean I’m always right or that I say perfect things in every situation. But the lessons I learned from my experiences shaped what I think and say. And I wasn’t expressing them or acting on them just because people say things “should” be a certain way.

But their “should” doesn’t always match mine.

Sometimes it’s not even my “should.” It’s my “I don’t think so.”

Still, I kept going like that, and suddenly… I miss myself. Maybe my odd thoughts, my odd personality.

Changing myself for different places gave me nothing but alienation. I don’t want that.

Even if it costs me the comfort of being adaptable, I don’t want to be that anymore. I miss being me.

I know I’ve lost some parts of myself, like when someone you shared your past with leaves your life. It feels like parts of that past go with them.

And I won’t fully get that version of myself back, unfortunately.

But at least when I’m alone, I will be a hundred percent me.

Anyway, thank you for reading my weird thoughts.