Shoutout to my Pinterest boards for holding my dreams and my Spotify for carrying my heart when I didn’t have the words.

The Journey..

That Hurts

Lately, I’ve been trying to look at the photos, videos, and songs that usually help me turn back into my own self. But honestly? Since there’s so much hurt in my heart and my body—physically, mentally, and emotionally—it’s just too hard right now.

I don’t think I will ever fully recover from everything that has happened to me and my life throughout this year and the past year. It’s been a long, heavy cycle. But I’m trying so hard not to lose hope, because I know that if I ever lose that, it will be the end of me.

I was always the “Polyanna.” I always looked at the world through optimistic glasses. But in life, everything hurts you sometimes, and you don’t even know how to recover. That’s when I started feeling really lonely. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone or express my emotions because I feel ashamed of even having them. I’ve never felt like this before, and I don’t know how to fix it.

Normally, I would handle everything myself, but I just cannot do it anymore ..and it hurts. Nobody has any idea how to talk to me about this stuff because I’ve never reached out, so now I feel stuck. I feel like even therapy wouldn’t help right now because I’m sure I wouldn’t be sincere yet. I feel like I first have to help myself reach out before I can talk to someone else.

This journey… it is hurting. And I know it will continue to do that for a while. But I’m still holding on.

Current Mood:

Feeling stuck, but refusing to let go of the last piece of hope.

Currently Listening:

• Zor – Tuğkan

• Forwards – Still Woozy